I'm telling yuu. Once I start to do something, somehow, someway, it'll become trendy. Now thanks to the Girl Online book, it'll spark inspiration for many other teenage girls to start blogs of their own. Not that teenage girls never had blogs before, and I know Zoe, the girl who wrote the book, had one way back in 2009, but sooner or later this new herd will think its cool to suddenly to have a blog, then ditch the blog after leaving it only with one or two posts realizing having a blog isn't as great as the girl in the book made it seem to be.
Coincidentally, I read a few pages of her book and found it how funny it was that my blog intro sounded so similar the main character's blog. The "who would even read this" and one other line I've forgotten was what caused me to think this. Oh right, the anonymity.
Gets me thinking if I'm really like all the rest of the girls in the world. The cliche ness of my life.
Monday, December 8, 2014
Sunday, November 30, 2014
Sunday, November 9, 2014
Friday, November 7, 2014
Forward
My quietness and inept social ability has kept me from having friends. If only I could be my 6th grade self again would I be able to talk to that boy behind me in English. But I think from then and now and in between, tragic experiences, I've lost who I am, my beloved me who'd close up at school. I psychologically refuse to show myself involuntarily.
In seventh grade after the death of my mother, I moved to s new school. This meant that all my best friends and the last I would ever have were gone. I had no shoulder to lean on. Besides, if I did stay in that previous school, my best best friend, let's call her Hill for identity purposes, wouldn't have been there because like me, she'd transferred to different school. However, we did keep contact over email for a year, but only a year, Eventually, the emails interchanged came in less and less until it gradually stopped. I don't blame her since if I remember correctly, I majorly complained about the blandness of the new school. When me and Hill had been friends, we were the peppy annoying types who'd scream across hallways yelling each other's names. And I don't know how, but we have found a reason to laugh in the days we had together. Nothing could stop us.
(Sorry. I lied. I actually did have another best friend to depend on, but we lost our connection due to my moodiness. Most of the time when she wanted to hang out, I was paralyzed in depressive thoughts, or slept to kill time. There wasn't so much to conversate about anyway and nothing interesting to do.)
Anyways, we drifted apart as most friendships did and while she made friends, I didn't. My days were filled with stress, awkward conversations, and depression. So you can see, making friends had been no easy task. There were times in seventh grade where I'd walk the hallways and felt my legs physically wanting to cripple and I imagined myself there on my knees while people passed by me on their way to class wondering if she'd gone crazy. In total, life was bad. I kept asking myself where the girl who easily made best friends at whatever school she went to gone? She'd left me with this body of a shell with void of emptiness where her heart should've been.Along with constantly wanting to die.
But I'm over it now.
That hole doesn't feel empty to me anymore. I'd regained some parts of myself after some time. Still, there were pieces permanently lost. What I can besy describe to you what that girl left me was an blank canvas. Like my life had somehow restarted and I can only build upon it from there. Every small happy moments or hurtful ones became a stroke of paint on it's textured surface. And in a positive way, it also means I can control whatever I want on it.
So that's what I've been doing with my list of things I want to do in life before I die. Okay, fine. Perhaps I may not be one hundred percent honest and can be seen slacking off doing other things wasting my valuable time, but I do remind myself. I do.
What I don't want to do with my life is reminisce the past as a reason for every time I'm unhappy. I guess this is promise I should keep with you, dear reader.
But I do wish sometimes I was my young ignorant self again having all the fun whose words effortlessly fell from her mouth and didn't mind being mean.
And a song ♪
In seventh grade after the death of my mother, I moved to s new school. This meant that all my best friends and the last I would ever have were gone. I had no shoulder to lean on. Besides, if I did stay in that previous school, my best best friend, let's call her Hill for identity purposes, wouldn't have been there because like me, she'd transferred to different school. However, we did keep contact over email for a year, but only a year, Eventually, the emails interchanged came in less and less until it gradually stopped. I don't blame her since if I remember correctly, I majorly complained about the blandness of the new school. When me and Hill had been friends, we were the peppy annoying types who'd scream across hallways yelling each other's names. And I don't know how, but we have found a reason to laugh in the days we had together. Nothing could stop us.
(Sorry. I lied. I actually did have another best friend to depend on, but we lost our connection due to my moodiness. Most of the time when she wanted to hang out, I was paralyzed in depressive thoughts, or slept to kill time. There wasn't so much to conversate about anyway and nothing interesting to do.)
Anyways, we drifted apart as most friendships did and while she made friends, I didn't. My days were filled with stress, awkward conversations, and depression. So you can see, making friends had been no easy task. There were times in seventh grade where I'd walk the hallways and felt my legs physically wanting to cripple and I imagined myself there on my knees while people passed by me on their way to class wondering if she'd gone crazy. In total, life was bad. I kept asking myself where the girl who easily made best friends at whatever school she went to gone? She'd left me with this body of a shell with void of emptiness where her heart should've been.Along with constantly wanting to die.
But I'm over it now.
That hole doesn't feel empty to me anymore. I'd regained some parts of myself after some time. Still, there were pieces permanently lost. What I can besy describe to you what that girl left me was an blank canvas. Like my life had somehow restarted and I can only build upon it from there. Every small happy moments or hurtful ones became a stroke of paint on it's textured surface. And in a positive way, it also means I can control whatever I want on it.
So that's what I've been doing with my list of things I want to do in life before I die. Okay, fine. Perhaps I may not be one hundred percent honest and can be seen slacking off doing other things wasting my valuable time, but I do remind myself. I do.
What I don't want to do with my life is reminisce the past as a reason for every time I'm unhappy. I guess this is promise I should keep with you, dear reader.
But I do wish sometimes I was my young ignorant self again having all the fun whose words effortlessly fell from her mouth and didn't mind being mean.
And a song ♪
Saturday, October 18, 2014
So instead of doing like I planned
I went to surf the unknown waters of the internet, and like always, landed on another island.
This time, I found a jewel that could potentially be a friend. Not the type of friends I was talking about in my last blog post. An actual friend who has substance, knows about the world and is quite an interesting one. Except the thing is, well, she doesn't know me. I must appear like another dust on the other side of earth to her.
This is her blog:
http://thoughtorchardblog.wordpress.com/
My treasure piece I've found tucked in one of the corners of Earth.
The one that reminds me how big the world is. And I think to myself in disbelief: She's living and breathing on the same planet as I am right now. And when she was in New York, she was walking on the same land as I was walking.
I came upon her blog when I search "teens with blogs" in hopes there were other teens with their own hobbies and minds that didn't include, uhm let's see, tumblr, tweeting 24/7 (when nobody cared), or talk/worshipping about food all the time and saying it was their hobby like its sole purpose was to make me cringe (want to die and lose faith in humanity while I'm at it) thinking it's still funny when the joke is so, so old.
What drew me in was her age and how much she wrote. I was in awe (which is no surprise since I'm a person who struggles with writing lengthy paragraphs explaining myself). And she, she was 12! Do you know what I doing when I was 12? I spent my days rolling down grassy hills in the rays of the sun with my past best friends and read books more than half the size smaller than the ones she read! But no, I wasn't jealous at all. My point is, she's a fascinating young person with many interests, and I'm surprised there are still young people like her in the 21st century. I just hope her growing up won't strip her of her personality.
Actually, it's ironic of me to point out her age because I believe a person's skill has nothing to do with their age, but the amount of experience they have so I hate it when they praise young kids for doing the same thing an adult has done yet got leas recognition for.
Hanging on her blog for a few hours, I've learnt that she's into politics, astrology, and was over her "Divergent phase", a book I've yet to read its amazingness(assuming). Some of the her ideas were different from mines and some were almost, just almost the same. She claims to be a narcissist. I claim myself to be pretentious. She explains how insignificant we all are, and I agree.
But I have to say, her writing felt sort of like jumbled rambles. However, she still remains to be one of my role models. And I suppose she has a characteristics good writers have, I think; to write freely without feeling insecure of your work.
Anyways, until then, pray I have my assignments done by the end of Sunday tomorrow.
And a song ♪ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqg6GmK5bRI
This time, I found a jewel that could potentially be a friend. Not the type of friends I was talking about in my last blog post. An actual friend who has substance, knows about the world and is quite an interesting one. Except the thing is, well, she doesn't know me. I must appear like another dust on the other side of earth to her.
This is her blog:
http://thoughtorchardblog.wordpress.com/
My treasure piece I've found tucked in one of the corners of Earth.
The one that reminds me how big the world is. And I think to myself in disbelief: She's living and breathing on the same planet as I am right now. And when she was in New York, she was walking on the same land as I was walking.
I came upon her blog when I search "teens with blogs" in hopes there were other teens with their own hobbies and minds that didn't include, uhm let's see, tumblr, tweeting 24/7 (when nobody cared), or talk/worshipping about food all the time and saying it was their hobby like its sole purpose was to make me cringe (want to die and lose faith in humanity while I'm at it) thinking it's still funny when the joke is so, so old.
What drew me in was her age and how much she wrote. I was in awe (which is no surprise since I'm a person who struggles with writing lengthy paragraphs explaining myself). And she, she was 12! Do you know what I doing when I was 12? I spent my days rolling down grassy hills in the rays of the sun with my past best friends and read books more than half the size smaller than the ones she read! But no, I wasn't jealous at all. My point is, she's a fascinating young person with many interests, and I'm surprised there are still young people like her in the 21st century. I just hope her growing up won't strip her of her personality.
Actually, it's ironic of me to point out her age because I believe a person's skill has nothing to do with their age, but the amount of experience they have so I hate it when they praise young kids for doing the same thing an adult has done yet got leas recognition for.
Hanging on her blog for a few hours, I've learnt that she's into politics, astrology, and was over her "Divergent phase", a book I've yet to read its amazingness(assuming). Some of the her ideas were different from mines and some were almost, just almost the same. She claims to be a narcissist. I claim myself to be pretentious. She explains how insignificant we all are, and I agree.
But I have to say, her writing felt sort of like jumbled rambles. However, she still remains to be one of my role models. And I suppose she has a characteristics good writers have, I think; to write freely without feeling insecure of your work.
Anyways, until then, pray I have my assignments done by the end of Sunday tomorrow.
And a song ♪ : https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eqg6GmK5bRI
Friday, October 10, 2014
The Loneliest Girl In The World
Hey Guys :)
Thought you'd never see me again? Like one of those bloggers who ditch their blog after a few posts. Well, surprise, I'm still here(and with a terrible stomachache.
So a lot of things have happened since the last post. Like, a lot. I'm now again in high school. And unlike last year, I have someone to sit with during lunch. At first, this seemed great. Fantastic almost. But then, realization dawned to me of what a quiet person I've become. And I'm not sure if it's all great now. I planned on learning Japanese, getting excited about having a japanese pen pal so that I could actually have someone to talk to, and it seemed like that, that was my motivation for learning the language besides my original reason which was so I can understand the japanese music I listened to. I'd also had a small pile of books I've wanted to read. Great books like The Help and terrible books just because of the sake that it's terrible like. Wait for it. Twilight. Isn't a perfect plan to spend my lonesome minutes? And no, I'm not being sarcastic. I'm used to this loneliness. Are you disappointed reader? To find that I'm an antisocial person with no friends and that I might be boring with nothing to talk about? Well, I supposed I might not talk much, but I do think plentiful.
But my plans are ruined. :( I'll only have half the amount of lunchtime so myself, and I'm not sure if that's enough to do everything I wanted....
Not only that, this new group(mostly my fault though) gave me a project to work on. It was supposed to be a map, like a Dora one, and I offered myself to do it because of my artistic abilities! Why! Why did I offer to take on such a heavy task when I had too much assignments already for this weekend? And I'm not sure if I'm actually benefiting from this friendship. After all, they picked me up randomly to sit with them at lunch and probably know almost nothing about me.
And my love life? Hah, don't even bother asking. But there is one guy I'd like to mention before this post ends. I thought he liked me and I sorta admired him, but it hadn't developed into a crush or anything. I mean, he's social and I'm totally not and he always dresses well. He's probably even smarter than I am. Whenever I'm around him in English, I tend to look foolish and my clumsiness goes way off the meter. But it;s nothing really. Just like a little splash of water in a still pond.
I've been thinking about including pictures taken from my real life, but I don't know... will that reveal too much? Uncloak some of my mystery?
Thought you'd never see me again? Like one of those bloggers who ditch their blog after a few posts. Well, surprise, I'm still here(and with a terrible stomachache.
So a lot of things have happened since the last post. Like, a lot. I'm now again in high school. And unlike last year, I have someone to sit with during lunch. At first, this seemed great. Fantastic almost. But then, realization dawned to me of what a quiet person I've become. And I'm not sure if it's all great now. I planned on learning Japanese, getting excited about having a japanese pen pal so that I could actually have someone to talk to, and it seemed like that, that was my motivation for learning the language besides my original reason which was so I can understand the japanese music I listened to. I'd also had a small pile of books I've wanted to read. Great books like The Help and terrible books just because of the sake that it's terrible like. Wait for it. Twilight. Isn't a perfect plan to spend my lonesome minutes? And no, I'm not being sarcastic. I'm used to this loneliness. Are you disappointed reader? To find that I'm an antisocial person with no friends and that I might be boring with nothing to talk about? Well, I supposed I might not talk much, but I do think plentiful.
But my plans are ruined. :( I'll only have half the amount of lunchtime so myself, and I'm not sure if that's enough to do everything I wanted....
Not only that, this new group(mostly my fault though) gave me a project to work on. It was supposed to be a map, like a Dora one, and I offered myself to do it because of my artistic abilities! Why! Why did I offer to take on such a heavy task when I had too much assignments already for this weekend? And I'm not sure if I'm actually benefiting from this friendship. After all, they picked me up randomly to sit with them at lunch and probably know almost nothing about me.
And my love life? Hah, don't even bother asking. But there is one guy I'd like to mention before this post ends. I thought he liked me and I sorta admired him, but it hadn't developed into a crush or anything. I mean, he's social and I'm totally not and he always dresses well. He's probably even smarter than I am. Whenever I'm around him in English, I tend to look foolish and my clumsiness goes way off the meter. But it;s nothing really. Just like a little splash of water in a still pond.
I've been thinking about including pictures taken from my real life, but I don't know... will that reveal too much? Uncloak some of my mystery?
Tuesday, July 22, 2014
Untitled because....
I don't know what to name it.
It's a small comic about a girl who gives up technology for experiences. Could be a start of an adventure!
Y'know, the usual nagging issue of today's modern world. I drew this while listening to music from a device. I can't give up technology to save my life for now anyway. Maybe I could be like her someday and listen to the birds sing instead of digital music. That way, I'd probably value music or sounds more. Fun fact: People in the past only got to listen to their favorite song ONCE in their life time. But it's probably referring to symphonies, the Bethoveen kind.
It's a small comic about a girl who gives up technology for experiences. Could be a start of an adventure!
Y'know, the usual nagging issue of today's modern world. I drew this while listening to music from a device. I can't give up technology to save my life for now anyway. Maybe I could be like her someday and listen to the birds sing instead of digital music. That way, I'd probably value music or sounds more. Fun fact: People in the past only got to listen to their favorite song ONCE in their life time. But it's probably referring to symphonies, the Bethoveen kind.
Monday, July 14, 2014
The birds were chanting to me this morning.
At 6 AM
Telling me to wake up, wake up.
And that's when you know you've reached it. The path to insanity. When you start to understand the birds around you. Yet not other people.
Wednesday, July 9, 2014
The Intro
Anyways, I'm surprised that there are even pageviews. This website just has so many blogs; how do you end up here? @ - @ Or it could be me accidently clicking on my posts....
Well, on a further note, the next paragraphs will be random since it's been awhile so I'd like to write about what has occurred in my life and what I'm planning to use this blog for...
I liked the idea of blogs better than having a facebook account or twitter because there's something about blogs that gives more character to a person than a status. When people posts statuses, it's rather less than 100 characters or so, but blogs? Blogs are life stories, sometimes sharing experiences that describes things in details. I'd love to learn from other people and reading blogs fulfills just that.
I've also tried playing otome games with my sorta new DS. I'm not really a person who enjoys these games because you always, or at least I always, have to read off of some walkthrough to get the guy you want. Did you pick A for the answer? Well too because you are WRONG and therefore, that special scene with your guy is gooooone and you have to replay, replay, REPLAY. *snaps DS in two* Not only is it tiring, but also spoils the fun. But I've also been playing popular games like The World Ends With You and although I'm pretty bad at the combat system, the games is pretty fun. I've notice, games by Tetsuya Nomura(?), always has a plotline about friendship, not that I don't mind. In fact, I love it. I once a die hard Roxas fan. y'know?
So for the blog, I'm planning to post my drawings here and there because I like how "indie" this is. Unlike the deviantart, you don't expect people to come across your drawings and there's no pressure to maintain it. It's like an abandoned vintage shop where everything looks unappealing until you find that thing that perks your interest. For some reason, it seems special because it caught your eye and no one else. And you weren't expecting it. So it's like you found a piece of you that was hiding somewhere tucked deep in the secret corners of this world.
I'm also a person who struggles with writing and would like to use this blog for my essays for practice, I've found myself repeating phrases and having trouble with explaining myself. Sometimes, my writings are short because I don't think deep enough. I'm actually fascinated that I could write this much, but that's only because there were many topics to discuss. Funny story; this year I had to take a writing test and totally freaked, or whatever I was doing. The topic was, Why is practicing important? And yea, many of you are probably laughing at me for bombing it because I swore it had to be the one of the essays I've ever written out there. Like, worse than my fifth grader self could write. Yea. That bad. But I thought it was such a stupid question. Everyone knows in order to get better at something you'd have to practice, right? (which is why I'm here) It seemed such a short ended question that I didn't have much to say, more or less, write. I'd rather be handed with questions that have more answers than one to like for example, Why is life important? or What if animals could talk? Or I don't know! Something philosophical!
Okay, rant over,
Well, on a further note, the next paragraphs will be random since it's been awhile so I'd like to write about what has occurred in my life and what I'm planning to use this blog for...
I liked the idea of blogs better than having a facebook account or twitter because there's something about blogs that gives more character to a person than a status. When people posts statuses, it's rather less than 100 characters or so, but blogs? Blogs are life stories, sometimes sharing experiences that describes things in details. I'd love to learn from other people and reading blogs fulfills just that.
I've also tried playing otome games with my sorta new DS. I'm not really a person who enjoys these games because you always, or at least I always, have to read off of some walkthrough to get the guy you want. Did you pick A for the answer? Well too because you are WRONG and therefore, that special scene with your guy is gooooone and you have to replay, replay, REPLAY. *snaps DS in two* Not only is it tiring, but also spoils the fun. But I've also been playing popular games like The World Ends With You and although I'm pretty bad at the combat system, the games is pretty fun. I've notice, games by Tetsuya Nomura(?), always has a plotline about friendship, not that I don't mind. In fact, I love it. I once a die hard Roxas fan. y'know?
So for the blog, I'm planning to post my drawings here and there because I like how "indie" this is. Unlike the deviantart, you don't expect people to come across your drawings and there's no pressure to maintain it. It's like an abandoned vintage shop where everything looks unappealing until you find that thing that perks your interest. For some reason, it seems special because it caught your eye and no one else. And you weren't expecting it. So it's like you found a piece of you that was hiding somewhere tucked deep in the secret corners of this world.
I'm also a person who struggles with writing and would like to use this blog for my essays for practice, I've found myself repeating phrases and having trouble with explaining myself. Sometimes, my writings are short because I don't think deep enough. I'm actually fascinated that I could write this much, but that's only because there were many topics to discuss. Funny story; this year I had to take a writing test and totally freaked, or whatever I was doing. The topic was, Why is practicing important? And yea, many of you are probably laughing at me for bombing it because I swore it had to be the one of the essays I've ever written out there. Like, worse than my fifth grader self could write. Yea. That bad. But I thought it was such a stupid question. Everyone knows in order to get better at something you'd have to practice, right? (which is why I'm here) It seemed such a short ended question that I didn't have much to say, more or less, write. I'd rather be handed with questions that have more answers than one to like for example, Why is life important? or What if animals could talk? Or I don't know! Something philosophical!
Okay, rant over,
Saturday, May 17, 2014
Uwaah so people really do post their lives on here
I guess you could say this is my alone space. Honestly better than twitter since things are more"quieter." twitter is a place where people are rustling' and bustling about. Here , you don't have to concentrate on anyone's lives. For some reason, whenever I made an account on twitter, plentiful people started making an account too. Although, twitter has existed years before that. I wonder what really caused that boom. It's so much fun and therapeutic (?) to write here since you don't have to worry about the followers. I hope people don't start getting blogs too (lol), tumblr, an exception. I'm not sure if you qualify that website as an actual blogs since its all composed of pictures, gifts, etc.
I can't wait till summer....is what I say a lot. But I'm not sure if I really mean it. I just want to stop doing homework and slack off for the rest to the year. I don't really care if it's summer or not...
Well, until summer comes, I'll keep waiting to play my new light blue ds. Bought it since they stopped manufacturing it. Plus, they were cheap. I'm not a person to pass up deals! The color is a nice sea blue color like seasalt ice cream, from an old obsession of mine and I don't regret it.
Make a blog. Let me check that off my bucket list!
Sigh, what will tomorrow bring?
I can't wait till summer....is what I say a lot. But I'm not sure if I really mean it. I just want to stop doing homework and slack off for the rest to the year. I don't really care if it's summer or not...
Well, until summer comes, I'll keep waiting to play my new light blue ds. Bought it since they stopped manufacturing it. Plus, they were cheap. I'm not a person to pass up deals! The color is a nice sea blue color like seasalt ice cream, from an old obsession of mine and I don't regret it.
Make a blog. Let me check that off my bucket list!
Sigh, what will tomorrow bring?
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